The "In" Crowd.

So as I procrastinate today's work by perusing facebook and many a profile of persons I knew once upon a time but have not spoken to in a minimum of 2 years, I find myself remembering the "in" crowd. This said in group of people is probably existent in your life too or has been prominent at one time or another.

Junior high, well it's a given, and it included those people that somehow detoured the awkwardness of the early teen years and were naturally cool or attractive already (or had money or some other noteworthy characteristic that made them desirable).

In high school, the cliques continued with a vengeance only now it was a little easier to be sure of yourself because even if you maybe weren't in the "in" group you were still in a group, usually a handful of people that were decent in their own right and didn't necessarily believe that "these are the best days of your life."

College was different because there were so many more people, so many more options. However it was clear to me that there were still people who believed they were part of the "in" group and behaved accordingly. Then these people somehow found each other and before I knew it there was this group that believed they were the shit. I have to admit I have often been somehow attached to the outskirts of this group. Usually I knew this person or that and then ended up at the same social functions, finding myself mind-numbingly bored with an "in" crowd conversation. I always felt a sense of not belonging and that those in the group did not approve because I was sarcastic, political, intelligent, and different. (or so I think/thought) It hurt when I felt others that I was probably more able to connect with wouldn't reach out to me because of my so-called association with this group.

It's not the person I was nor will it ever be - I hope. Talking of mindless fodder of how much this bottle of wine costs or "have you seen so and so? she's gotten so fat" and their lack of ability to think critically or relate to anyone different than themselves hardly interests me. They continue to isolate themselves in this "in" group making them appear even more elitist to the outsiders eye. And everyone still wants in because they're rich or attractive or somehow exciting, or maybe it's because the "in" crowd is so good at making a person feel insecure.

And yes, I'm still friends with them on facebook. Even though I don't want "in", maybe I still need to feel I belong. Maybe that's how the "in" group came to be...everyone's insecurities.

The Big D.

No, not depression. Dysthymia - which is depression's younger half sibling.

I went to a therapist last week for the first time. Not because I'm feeling down and out, but because I'm training to be a psychologist and I believe it's important to analyze my own sh*t before I go and attempt analyzing everyone else's schtuff. So everything went smooth and well; it was a little like an interview for a practicum site because we talked about my past placements and school. Then came the awful end when we had to discuss insurance. (which I equate to the devil and anyone dealing with insurance deals in the devil's work! sorry I digress) Ok, so she has to give me a diagnosis so that insurance will pay up. Although I appear to be well adjusted and in no dire crisis she says simply I can choose something like dysthymia or GAD *for all you non-psych types that's generalized anxiety disorder* whichever I prefer because she does not think that diagnosis, especially DSM diagnosis, is that relevant but alas that is a whole other topic in and of itself. So she asks me simply, "are you more depressive or anxious?" and I automatically said depressed. And now, I am feeling a little more sad. Sad that summer is over and I basically have nothing to show for it, and sad that home seems so far away. So I guess it's a good thing I'm in therapy because now I've gotta treat this dysthymia that I didn't know I had.

the question of the day.

so today that coworker who always asks me brilliant questions about the world answered my question of "have you seen any faxes on the desk?" with his own question

What do faxes look like?



seriously. this child must have been raised by wolves.